A book can help with
For the child who feels everything at twice the volume of everybody else.
Some children simply feel more. The joy is enormous, the disappointment is catastrophic, and a small unfairness can flatten the whole afternoon. It is a temperament rather than a fault, and a deeply feeling child is often also the most empathetic and observant one in the room.
What they need isn’t to feel less. It’s to know that the size of their feelings is allowed and manageable, and that nobody thinks less of them for it. Books do this by showing a character whose feelings are equally enormous, being loved exactly as they are.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there. The big emotions page covers naming feelings more generally.
Putting a name to it
A toddler has the whole of the feeling and none of the words, which is most of the trouble. What follows names one feeling at a time, slowly enough to be read again and again.
A small creature meets the feeling of being surprised, in very few words, with the face doing nearly all the work. One of a series, so if this one lands there are others waiting for the rest of the feelings. Sturdy enough to be chewed.
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A choose-your-mood board book where a toddler points to the animal that matches how they feel and tells you. It hands you a game instead of a conversation, which at two is the only route in. Bright, and built to survive.
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The flaps do the work here: a child lifts one to find out what anger is for, what it does to a body, and what helps afterwards. Being asked a question and finding the answer underneath suits a three year old far better than being told. Sturdy board, so it can be read in a temper.
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Feeling it all
At this age it’s about knowing that the size of the feeling is fine, and that it will pass.
A boy feels everything so enormously that his feelings spill out of him, and he tries to bottle them up until he discovers others feel this way too. It’s written directly for the deeply feeling child, and it never suggests they should feel less. Tender and reassuring.
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Each page opens up a single feeling and describes exactly how it sits in the heart and the body, from fluttering happiness to heavy sadness. The die-cut heart makes it lovely to hold. Good for a child who feels a great deal and hasn’t the words for it yet.
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Sensitive and strong
Older children may have started to feel there’s something wrong with them. These say otherwise.
Four friends walk and talk, and most of what they say is about being frightened, being kind and asking for help. There is no plot to keep up with, which makes it a good one to open anywhere when a child is too full up to sit through a story. Plenty of grown-ups end up keeping it for themselves.
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Rob keeps all his grief and feeling packed away in an imaginary suitcase until a caged tiger and a fierce new friend force it open. DiCamillo writes about held-in feeling better than almost anyone. A Newbery Honor book, short and quietly powerful.
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Feelings with nowhere to go
Older children often have the feeling and no words at all for it, and would rather do almost anything than be handed a book about emotions. These work around that.
Twin brothers, basketball, and a father who will not go to the doctor, told in verse that reads as though it is being spoken aloud. The feeling comes through the rhythm rather than through anyone explaining themselves, which is why it lands with children who resist that sort of book. Their father dies, so it helps to know that in advance.
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A picture-led guide to what feelings are, where they come from and what to do with them, laid out in short spreads rather than chapters. It reads a little young for the top of this band, so it suits an eleven year old who wants information rather than a story.
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Something to do together
A page for noticing how big a feeling is right now, and what usually helps it come back down. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
A deeply feeling child is not being dramatic or attention-seeking. Their emotional responses genuinely run larger, and being told to calm down or stop overreacting teaches them to hide it rather than handle it.
So take the size of the feeling seriously rather than arguing about whether it’s warranted, name it with them, and let it run its course with you nearby. Children who feel deeply usually grow into adults who notice a great deal, which is no bad thing.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.