A book can help with
For ‘what happens when we die’, asked cheerfully over breakfast.
Children ask the biggest questions there are, and almost always at the worst possible moment. What happens when we die. Is God real. Where did I come from. Why is there anything at all. They ask because they’re thinking, not because they’re upset, and they usually want a straight answer rather than a solemn one.
Books help because you don’t have to have it all worked out yourself. Some give a clear answer from within a particular faith, others hold the questions open and treat wondering as the point. Every family will want different ones here, so these are chosen to suit different households rather than to push any single view. Pick whichever fits yours.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there.
Why, and what, and where
Little ones want short, concrete answers, and they want to know that asking is welcome. These invite the wondering rather than closing it down.
A girl asks her father enormous questions at bedtime, why is the ocean blue, where does the sun go, and he answers with glorious invented nonsense. It celebrates the questions themselves rather than the answers, and it’s very funny. Lovely for the parent who dreads the bedtime interrogation.
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This explains death simply as part of living, that everything has a beginning and an end and a lifetime in between, using plants and animals and people. It says nothing about any faith, so it works in any household and alongside whatever else you believe. The gentlest possible starting point for the question.
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Thinking it through
Older children want more than a soothing answer. These treat them as capable of genuinely thinking about it.
A clear, calm guide answering the practical questions children actually ask about death, why it happens, what a funeral is, what different people believe happens afterwards. It sets out several faiths and views side by side rather than choosing one. Straightforward, and a good reference to have on the shelf.
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Real children’s questions answered by scientists, writers and thinkers, from why the sky is blue to whether animals have feelings. It takes children’s curiosity entirely seriously and gives proper answers. Excellent for dipping into with a child who never stops asking.
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This deliberately asks the big questions about God rather than answering them, and encourages conversation instead of conclusions. Worth knowing that it starts from the assumption that God is real, so read it first and decide whether it suits your household. Good as a conversation opener where it fits.
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Working out what they think
By this age a child starts forming their own views. These help them think rather than telling them what to conclude.
A clear introduction to how people live good lives without religious belief, alongside contributions from people of various faiths and none. Useful in a non-religious household, and equally useful in a religious one for understanding how others see it. Respectful throughout, and it invites a child to think for themselves.
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Short chapters that take a real philosopher and hook them onto something a child already wonders about, such as why you can feel lonely in a room full of people, or why someone being unkind is usually unhappy rather than mean. It shows a child how to think rather than telling them what to conclude. Better read a page at a time than straight through.
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Something to do together
A page for writing down the questions nobody can answer yet, so they can be kept and thought about rather than brushed off. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
You don’t have to have the answers. Child development specialists generally suggest finding out what a child is actually asking before you launch into a reply, since a small child asking where babies come from may want far less detail than you fear.
So answer honestly at the level they’ve asked, say ‘I don’t know, what do you think’ when that’s the truth, and be clear about the difference between what your family believes and what other people believe. A child who learns that big questions are welcome keeps bringing them to you.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.