A book can help with
For the child who says nothing is wrong, and clearly means the opposite.
Sometimes a child goes quiet. Something is plainly wrong and every question is met with a shrug, either because they haven’t the words for it, or because saying it out loud would make it too real, or because they’re protecting somebody. Pressing harder almost never works.
A book is a sideways door. Reading about a character carrying something they can’t say lets a child recognise the feeling without having to confess to it, and it hands them the vocabulary they were missing. Often what follows isn’t a conversation on the spot, but one three days later, in the car, about something apparently unrelated.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there.
Saying it out loud
For little ones it’s usually about not having the words yet, and about learning that saying a worry shrinks it.
Ruby has a worry only she can see, and the more she keeps it to herself the bigger it grows, until saying it out loud shrinks it back down. It is the clearest picture-book argument there is for talking about things. Warm, and children take to Ruby at once.
or on Bookshop.org
Sherman saw something upsetting and tries hard not to think about it, until the not-thinking starts making him cross and unwell, and a kind adult helps him talk. Written for children who have witnessed something frightening, it never names the event, so it fits many situations. There are notes for grown-ups at the back.
or on Bookshop.org
Carrying something silently
Older children can go quiet for months. These show a character holding something in, and slowly letting it out.
Everyone rushes at Taylor with advice after his tower falls, and only the rabbit sits quietly beside him until he’s ready to talk. It’s the best short lesson going in how to be with somebody who isn’t speaking yet. As useful for the grown-up as the child.
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Matthew’s family has stopped talking about something painful, and his own worries have taken over his life, until a mystery on the street pulls him back out. It shows how a silence in a household settles on a child. Gripping first, thoughtful second.
or on Bookshop.org
Saying it out loud at last
By eleven a child can be perfectly articulate and still say nothing at all, and keeping it up takes real effort. What follows is about the cost of holding something in, and what happens when it finally comes out.
Maya and Rose are sisters who have not spoken properly since the accident that damaged Maya’s leg, and each of them tells you her half of it. Then they are sent on the same week-long school trip. Very good on how long two people can keep something unsaid, and on how differently they remember the same afternoon.
or on Bookshop.org
Rosen writing about his son Eddie, who died, and about what he does with the sadness: pretending to be happy so nobody asks, doing one thing a day he can be proud of, sitting by himself with a candle. A picture book that is not for small children. It is here because it is a grown man showing how to put the unsayable into plain words.
or on Bookshop.org
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Something to do together
A page for saying it without saying it: drawing it, writing it down, or ticking the thing that’s closest. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
Children often talk best sideways rather than face to face, which is why so much comes out in the car, at bedtime, or while doing something else with their hands. A direct interrogation across a table usually closes them down.
So make room rather than asking repeatedly, be available at the times they tend to open up, and let silence sit without filling it. And if a child has gone quiet for weeks, has stopped enjoying things, or you sense something has happened to them, do speak to their teacher or your doctor rather than waiting it out.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.