A book can help with
For the child who’s sure they can’t, before they’ve even tried.
Some children hang back, certain they’ll get it wrong, that everyone else is better, that they’re not the sort who can. And a knock or two, a laugh in class, a match lost, a picture that didn’t come out right, can settle into a quiet belief that they’re simply no good at things.
A book can chip away at that. A story about a character who thinks they can’t, and then finds they can, gives a child a version of themselves to root for, and plants the idea that not being able to do something yet is a very different thing from never. Read enough of them and a little self-belief starts to take hold.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there.
The first ‘I can’
For the youngest, confidence starts with the simplest message of all: you are fine exactly as you are. These say it warmly, over and over.
Gerald the giraffe is mocked for being clumsy at the great jungle dance, until a kind cricket shows him that he just needs a different song, and he dances more beautifully than any of them. It rhymes gorgeously and lands a big idea simply: sometimes you’re not bad at a thing, you just need to find your own way to do it. A confidence-booster children ask for again and again.
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In Todd Parr’s bright, bold style, this celebrates all the ways people differ and says, over and over, that every one of those ways is fine. For a very young child it lays the first foundation of confidence, the sense that being exactly who you are is a good thing. Cheerful, simple and reassuring.
or on Bookshop.org
I think I can’t
Now they can follow a proper story about a character who’s sure they can’t, and then finds that they can. These are the ones I’d start with.
Vashti is sure she can’t draw, until her teacher gently dares her to just make a mark, and that one small dot grows into a whole gallery and a whole new sense of herself. It’s a beautiful little parable about how a scrap of encouragement can unlock a child, and about starting before you feel ready. A classroom favourite for good reason.
or on Bookshop.org
Norman grows a pair of wings and, terrified of what people will think, hides them under a big coat, until he realises how much better it feels to let them out. It’s a warm story about the confidence to be yourself rather than shrink to fit, from the lovely Big Bright Feelings series. Good for the child who’s holding part of themselves back.
or on Bookshop.org
Growing self-belief
Older children can take a fuller story, or a friendly handbook, that helps them believe a bit more in what they’re capable of.
Louis isn’t much good at keeping things alive, everyone says so, until he takes on a sickly newborn donkey that no one thinks will survive, and as Winslow grows stronger, so does Louis’s belief in himself. Creech writes it warm and gentle, and it makes the quiet point that confidence often grows out of caring for something. A tender read for a self-doubting child.
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A friendly, practical handbook from a teacher who clearly likes children, full of down-to-earth tips for feeling more capable and settled at school. It’s the sort of book a slightly anxious child can dip into and come away feeling a bit more in charge. A useful companion to the stories, aimed squarely at the everyday worries of school life.
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Finding out what they can do
Confidence at this age comes from having actually done something hard, not from being told they are marvellous. Each of these gives a child a character who is bad at something and stays with it anyway.
Astrid signs up for roller derby camp on a whim, is comprehensively terrible at it, and keeps going while her best friend drifts off to ballet. The bruises and the humiliation are on the page, which is what makes the eventual competence believable. A graphic novel, so it reads quickly.
or on Bookshop.org
Billy has a stammer and wants to stand on a stage and make people laugh, and the book takes seriously how much nerve that costs him. Written by a comedian whose son stammers. Good for a child who has decided in advance that they cannot do the thing they want to do.
or on Bookshop.org
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Something to do together
A page for collecting up all the things a child has learnt to do and managed on their own, to look back on whenever they’re sure they can’t. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
Confidence isn’t something you can hand a child in a single go. It builds, quietly, out of small brave tries and being caught when they wobble. These books add to that store, one hopeful story at a time.
So praise the effort more than the result, let ‘I can’t’ become ‘I can’t yet’, and make it safe to be a beginner. A child who’s allowed to be rubbish at something on the way to being good at it grows the sturdiest confidence of all.
For you, the grown-up
There’s a companion page for grown-ups over on the main Book Quote Therapy library, with books for adults rebuilding their confidence.
Read the grown-up version →These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.