A book can help with
For the child who says no before they’ve even seen what it is.
Some children meet anything new with a flat no. A new food, a new club, a new game where they might look silly in front of people. Underneath it is usually a sensible enough calculation: if I don’t try, I can’t fail at it in public.
Books help by letting a child watch someone else take the risk. Stories where a character has a go, makes a mess of it, and carries on regardless are far more persuasive than encouragement from a parent, which a child tends to discount as something you have to say.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there. The pages on being brave and on perfectionism sit close to this one.
Keeping going
For the youngest it’s the simplest version of persistence: trying, and trying again.
A small engine takes on a job every bigger engine has refused, chanting that she thinks she can all the way up the hill. The repeated phrase is what makes it stick, and toddlers join in with it. About as clear a first lesson in having a go as exists.
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Rosie builds inventions in secret because she’s afraid of being laughed at, until her great-aunt tells her that the only true failure is giving up. It rhymes beautifully and reframes a flop as a necessary step. Lovely for the child who won’t try in front of anyone.
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The first go
Now they can follow a whole story of a first attempt, complete with the wobble beforehand.
A child has an idea and doesn’t know what to do with it, worries what people will think, and slowly lets it grow until it changes everything. It’s beautifully illustrated and quietly encouraging about backing yourself. Good for the child with plenty of ideas and no confidence to act on them.
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Jabari sets out to build a flying machine, and it fails, and fails again, and his frustration is drawn honestly before he works out that asking for help is part of it. Persistence made concrete rather than preached. Warm, and honest about how annoying failing is.
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Starting from scratch
Older children mind more about looking foolish in front of others. These show a beginner learning in public.
Astrid signs up for roller derby camp on a whim, turns out to be dreadful at it, and has to decide whether to stick with something she isn’t naturally good at. It’s a funny, honest graphic novel about being a beginner in front of everyone. A Newbery Honor book and hugely readable.
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The true story of a boy in Malawi who taught himself from library books to build a windmill and bring power to his village, with plenty of failures on the way. It shows what having a go can lead to when nobody is helping you. Genuinely inspiring, and true.
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Starting from nothing
At eleven a child has usually worked out what they are already good at, and starting something from scratch means being visibly bad at it in front of people. What follows is about doing it anyway.
Three adopted sisters are sent to a stage school and have to make their own livings, each discovering what they are for along the way. Published in 1936 and still perfectly readable. Pauline, Petrova and Posy all want quite different things, which is the useful part.
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Chaya steals the queen’s jewels to pay for a friend’s operation, ends up escaping on the king’s elephant, and spends the rest of the book out of her depth in the Sri Lankan jungle. Fast, funny, and largely a story about improvising when the plan has gone.
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Something to do together
A page for choosing one new thing to try this month, and noting what happened rather than how well it went. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
A child who only does what they’re already good at quietly narrows their world. What loosens it is making the trying itself the thing that counts, rather than the result.
So praise the attempt out loud, let them see you take up something you’re hopeless at, and avoid predicting they’ll love it, since that raises the stakes. And do let them stop if they genuinely hate it, because a child who is never allowed to quit becomes far more reluctant to start.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.