A book can help with
For the best friend who is suddenly not speaking to them.
Friendships at this age run hot and cold. A best friend on Monday is a sworn enemy by Wednesday and back again by Friday, and to a child each turn feels enormous and permanent. The falling out is normal; what they need help with is the coming back together, which nobody is born knowing how to do.
Books show the whole arc, the row, the sulk, the awkward repair, so a child can see that a quarrel isn’t the end of a friendship. And the ones told from both sides quietly teach the hardest skill of all, which is imagining how it looked to the other person.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there. The page on apologising has more on the saying-sorry part.
Snatching, shoving, sorry
A toddler quarrel is physical and over in about four seconds: a grabbed toy, a shove, a howl. What follows names the thing they did and then hands them the way back, which at two is the whole of a repair.
Little Dino is very strong and has to work out that being strong is not the same as using his hands on people. Twenty board pages and about fifty words, with a phrase repeated often enough that you can quote it back at him later. Short enough to read in the middle of the trouble rather than afterwards.
or on Bookshop.org
Over thirty flaps on what sorry is actually for, why it is hard to say, and what it does for the person on the other end. Being asked the question and finding the answer underneath works a great deal better at three than being made to apologise. The older book in this band.
or on Bookshop.org
The row and the repair
At this age quarrels are loud and short. These show a falling out mended, without making anyone the villain.
A boy’s dad promises a recipe to get rid of an enemy, on one condition: he must spend a whole day being friendly to him first. The trick, of course, is that by teatime they’re friends. It’s funny and it makes a genuine point about how quickly an enemy becomes a person once you spend time with them.
or on Bookshop.org
Two best friends fall out badly over each other’s lunches, one hummus, one peanut butter, and the row escalates through the whole school before they try each other’s food. It’s about difference and about how silly a quarrel can look afterwards. Warm, and good for a class as well as a family.
or on Bookshop.org
Seeing it from the other side
Older children can hold two points of view at once, which is exactly what mending a quarrel needs.
A funny, practical guide to the awkward business of saying sorry properly, and to what makes an apology real rather than mumbled. It’s light-hearted enough that nobody feels lectured. Useful when a quarrel has stalled because neither child will go first.
or on Bookshop.org
Two boys who have every reason to dislike each other tell the story in alternating chapters, until they discover they have a common problem. Hearing both sides in turn is the whole point, and it does more for a child’s perspective-taking than any amount of advice. Warm and very readable.
or on Bookshop.org
Falling out properly
By eleven a quarrel can run for weeks and pull other people into it, and pride makes the first move almost impossible. What follows sits inside that instead of hurrying anybody towards the making up.
A novel in verse about Nick, football, and the best friend he falls out with, while his parents’ marriage comes apart behind him. The verse moves fast, which suits a reader who claims not to like books. Very good on the stupid thing you say and cannot take back.
or on Bookshop.org
Shayla has spent her life avoiding trouble, and then she starts wearing an armband to school and her friendships come under pressure from every side at once. These are the quarrels that are actually about something. Set around a court verdict and the protests after it, so it carries real weight.
or on Bookshop.org
Book links are Amazon affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. More on this.
Something to do together
A page for after a falling out: what happened, how it might have looked to them, and one thing that would help put it right. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
Most childhood quarrels sort themselves out faster if the grown-ups stay out of them. Stepping in to referee tends to teach a child to fetch an adult rather than to work it out.
So listen properly, help them find the words rather than supplying the verdict, and let them try the repair themselves. Do step in where someone is being hurt or consistently treated badly, since that isn’t a quarrel and shouldn’t be handled as one.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.