A book can help with
For the questions children ask out loud, and the unfairness they start to notice.
Children notice difference far earlier than most adults expect, and they say so, usually at volume in a shop. The instinct to hush them comes from good manners, but researchers who study this are clear that silence doesn’t produce a child who doesn’t see race. It produces a child who learns the subject is awkward and stops bringing their questions to you.
Books are one of the easiest ways in, because they let the conversation happen calmly rather than in the middle of a supermarket. Some simply show children that skin comes in many shades and all of them are good. Others tackle unfairness head-on. And for a child who rarely sees themselves in a story, being in one matters enormously.
Here’s what I’d reach for. Find your child’s age and start there.
All the colours we are
For the very youngest it’s simply about noticing, naming and celebrating, long before any conversation about unfairness.
A board book made with early childhood specialists, giving very young children clear, simple language about skin colour, and naming racism plainly as something unfair that people made up. There are notes at the back for the grown-up, which help enormously if you’re unsure how to start. Widely recommended as a first book on the subject.
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Lena wants to paint a picture of herself, and her mother walks her round the neighbourhood noticing that brown comes in cinnamon, honey, peach and chocolate. It’s warm and celebratory, and it gives a small child the vocabulary to describe skin admiringly. A lovely, gentle starting point.
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Talking about it plainly
Now they can hold a proper conversation, and they benefit from language that’s honest rather than vague.
Lester introduces himself through all the parts of his story, of which race is one, and invites the reader to do the same. It makes the point that race is one thread among many without ever diminishing it. Thoughtful, direct and much used in classrooms.
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A rhythmic, joyful book making the case that skin tells one story about you, and that knowing a person properly means going deeper. It’s wonderful to read aloud and never lectures. From one of the great writers on race, pitched perfectly for young children.
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When it isn’t fair
Older children can grasp injustice, and they want to know why it happened and what people did about it.
Two girls, one Black and one white, are forbidden to cross the fence dividing their town, so they sit on it together. It’s a beautiful, restrained story about segregation and about children quietly refusing it. Woodson leaves plenty of room for a child’s own questions afterwards.
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Jordan is one of very few Black children at a wealthy new school, and this award-winning graphic novel follows the daily business of fitting in and the small slights that come with it. It’s funny and sharp and hugely readable, so a child comes for the story and absorbs the rest. A landmark book for this age.
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The bigger picture
By this age a child can handle real history and a full novel that doesn’t soften what happened.
A warm, very funny family story that travels south and meets the violence of the civil rights era head-on. Because you love the family first, what happens lands with real force. A Newbery Honor book, and one children remember for years.
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Isabella is eleven and biracial, splitting her week between her white mum and her Black dad, and forever being asked which half she really is. The story builds to a frightening moment with the police that Draper handles with real care, and it gives an older child a way to think about racism that doesn’t look away from how serious it can get. It’s worth reading first, or reading alongside, so the hard parts have someone to talk them through with. Sharon Draper writes children who feel completely real, and Isabella is no exception.
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Something to do together
A page for talking about what’s fair and unfair, and for a child to note something they’d change if they could. I’m making it now, and it will live here soon.
Developmental researchers have found that children notice racial difference in infancy and can absorb bias well before school age, which is why specialists in this field generally advise talking early and plainly rather than waiting. Saying nothing isn’t neutral.
So answer their questions rather than hushing them, use straightforward words rather than vague ones, and fill your shelves with books where all sorts of children are simply the hero. And if your child is on the receiving end of racism, do tell their school, since they can and should act on it.
These pages are written for the grown-ups looking after a child: parents, teachers and carers. A good book can sit beside a worried child, though it never stands in for a real conversation, or for proper support when something feels too big to carry alone.